Songs

Chapter 8 song
by Kris Overstreet

The unsubstantiated rumors of our fiscal downfall are gravely exaggerated, Your Highness!” Flim said.

“Indeed, even if all goes against us in the courts, this is but a minor setback!” Flam added.

“Because although we have competition, we remain the first!” Flim said.

“We are the inventors!” said Flam.

“The innovators!”

“The explorers!”

“The leaders at the dawn of a brand new medium!”

The two ponies paused. Flam cleared his throat and tapped his hoof meaningfully.

“Right, boss,” the bulge-eyed pegasus grumbled, flying up to the ship and settling in at an organ perched on top of the superstructure. As the music began, the unicorn brothers sang:

My Queen, your reputation’s shot and your popularity is down

You want to make a change, but you need a way to get the word around

We know you can’t bear the idea that it’s beyond all repair

So allow us to adjust your image by putting you on the air

Why, you’ve got opportunity

At this space facility

He’s Flim-

-he’s Flam

We’re the world-famous Flim-Flam Brothers

Traveling broadcasters nonpareil

“Oh, not again,” Cherry Berry sighed, slowing the brothers down not at all.

You’re in a bind, and that’s the reason why, you see

Nopony else in the whole world will give you such a chance to make your case on T.V.

It’s a new world with tons of viewers with wide-open ears and eyes unblinking

That’s viewers that you can sway over to your way of thinking

You’ve got opportunity

At this space facility

He’s Flim-

-he’s Flam

We’re the world-famous Flim-Flam Brothers

Traveling broadcasters nonpareil

Flim stepped forward and gestured a hoof at the barge, on top of which the pegasus resolutely pounded out the old fashioned march tempo.

I suppose by now you’re wondering about our fashionable sailing vessel

- Our means of cruising ‘cross the ocean

- And I suppose by now you’re wondering where’s our studio?

- Anypony knows you need a stage and set to have a show

- Well, my brother and I had ideas nopony else could

Inspirations and inventions nopony else would

And that’s INNOVATION

Ma’am, it’s the one and only, the biggest and the best,

Unique!

-Tres chic!

- First-class

- Unsurpassed

F. F. Television’s Super Sailing Studio 6000!

Chrysalis took over the chorus, while a few flubbed notes from the organ took the song into a disturbing minor key:

And that’s why you’ve brought opportunity

To this space facility

We know who you are

You’re the infamous Flim-Flam Brothers

Shady hucksters nonpareil

Now before I buy your drivel

Just want to show my brain’s not shriveled

Now here’s the way it is, unless I miss my guess

You’ve got a ton of competition

So you’ve come here on a mission

‘Cause if you give the nation a sensation you might just squeeze out of your mess

Flim replied, as Fish Eye corrected his errors and the music shifted back into the cheerful major key:

Well, you make an excellent point, Your Highness, I say you make an excellent point

Our viewers are great sophisticates who we really don’t want to disappoint

And Flam added:

It’s a win-win situation, at least from our point of view

So whaddaya say, C.S.P.?

Care to take your message to the world

And let us film a documentary of you?

And the two unicorns joined in for one more chorus:

Accept this opportunity

At this space facility!

He’s Flim-

He’s Flam-

We’re the world-famous Flim Flam Brothers

Travelling broadcasters nonpareil!

And with a last clumsy flourish from the organ, the song ended, to the cheers of the crowd of changelings (plus a few construction ponies) who had gathered round as the song progressed.

Chrysalis turned to face the impromptu audience. “Don’t you all have non-pod related things you need to be doing?” she hissed.

The audience dispersed, precipitately.

Chapter 10 song
by Kris Overstreet

“Poppyapsis, berryapsis,” Upper Crust said, dismissing the words with a hoof. “How can you keep track of which is which?”

“I’m glad you asked,” Bull said, stepping away from the chalkboard, his hooves clicking merrily on the tile floor as he chanted:

When you’re flying in an orbit

When into space you’re hurled

You need to know your position

In relation to the world

The point of periapsis

Is when you’re closest to the ground

Opposite your apoapsis

As the world you go around

So you don’t get them confused

Here’s a handy trick I know

So you’ll know your altitude

As around the world you go!

Bull paused, then said in a slower chant:

Api is uppy

And peri is not.

Api is uppy

And peri is not.

When you’re at your apoapsis

You’re as uppy as you go

When you’re at your periapsis

Then you’re very, very low- why?

The three ponies answered in chorus:

Because api is uppy and peri is not!

“Good!” Bull cheered, and then continued:

Now when you want to change your orbit

You have to make an engine burn

But how can we tell the pilot

Which direction she should turn?

Space doesn’t have an up or down.

No north, south, east or west,

So we need some new directions-

Hobble raised his hoof and asked:

Will this be on th' tes'?

“Yes!” Bull insisted, and plunged on:

Going forward we call prograde

Making progress like a pro

The other way is retrograde

‘Cause looking backwards makes you slow

Radial runs from the center

Pointing up and out

Antiradial points inward

Jet Set chimed in:

As if there were any doubt!

Bull nodded, continuing:

The other two directions

North and south from the equator

Are normal and antinormal

(Though we might change that later)

BUT!

Bull stopped the chant and added in normal tones, “It’s important to remember that radial, antiradial, normal and antinormal are determined by the orbit- so if the orbit isn’t the same as the equator, then normal isn’t quite the same as north.”

“So tha’s why jou use th' funny names instead?” Hobble asked.

“Right! It’s all about accuracy and eliminating confusion!” Bull stretched, took a deep breath and chanted again:

SO-

Api is uppy

And peri is not!

The ponies replied:

Api is uppy

And peri is not!

Bull:

A pro goes forward

And retro looks back.

Ponies:

A pro goes forward

And retro looks back!

Bull:

Radial goes out

Like a spoke upon a wheel

It’s normal to go north

And anti’s the other deal.

Ponies:

Radial goes out

Like a spoke upon a wheel

It’s normal to go north-

Upper Crust:

You can’t tell me this is real!

Bull:

Those are all the words you need

Now let’s use them all to make

A story of the space flight

That the three of you will take!

Hobble began:

When th' rocke' launches

Over my sincere obyection

Th' ship accelerates

Inna radial direction!

Bull nodded:

But anything that goes straight up

Would come right straight back down

So we take a prograde angle

To make our flight path round!

Jet Set:

Each bit of rocket thrust makes

Our apoapsis rise

Until the peak of our trajectory

Gets up beyond the skies!

Upper Crust

If from our pre-planned orbit

The flight should deviate

We fire normal or antinormal

To find the proper place!

Bull:

But keep mostly on the prograde

Till periapsis does appear

And keep flying until that point is

Above the atmosphere

And then you’ll be in orbit

Flying round and round and round-

Hobble raised his hoof:

Tha’s all very well an’ good, sir,

But then how do we come down?

George Bull paused the chant, took a moment to consider the question carefully, and then said with feeling, “Carefully.” He then resumed the chant:

The heavier a rocket is

The more fuel it takes to fly

But fuel has weight, so we can’t take

A limitless supply

For slowing down we drag the ship

Through the upper air

So here’s how we can get you down

With a bit of care

We use the last bit of our fuel

To slow our orbit down

Which lowers periapsis

A bit closer to the ground

The ship drops into atmosphere

Air friction builds up heat

But the heat shield keeps you safe

So you don’t fry like griffon meat

The air pushes against the ship

And gradually slows it down

Until the parachute deploys

And floats you to the ground!

“See? Simple!” George Bull smiled. “And your pilots have each done this multiple times, so there’s no need to worry. Shall we finish the flight?”

Hobble sighed and chanted:

Api is uppy

An’ peri is not

But if jour peri’s in the airy

Then jour gonna get it hot

Jet Set continued:

So point the ship to retro

Get the shield in front of you

Upper Crust, dubiously:

Because flying backwards to the ground

Is the safest thing to do?

Jet Set overrode his wife’s doubt:

Watch the parachute come open

See it shape into a dome

Bull:

Then you’ll be as safe as houses!

Hobble:

I only wish I coul' go home!

Bull:

Now you’ll know what the pilot’s saying

But in case you have forgot

Api is uppy

And peri-

The three ponies answered in conclusion:

-is NOT!

“And that,” Bull said, setting the chalk down, “concludes the lesson.”

Unnamed song
by Kris Overstreet

''We crashed and now we're stranded here (stuck, stuck, stuck on Mars) It's freezing cold, no atmosphere (no phones, no lights, no motorcars) Refusing to admit defeat But still a pony has to eat It's ten million miles and more To travel to the nearest store''

''Stuck in a tent, a really long way from home We found a cave, a sanctuary made of stone It's a big job, all on our own We dig all through the Martian day So we can grow our spuds and hay''

''We are ponies and we're farming on Mars Farmy farmy Mars, farmy farmy Mars We are ponies and we're farming on Mars Farmy farmy Mars, farming on Mars''